Hello, I’m Doctor Donald Winkler, and I’d like to welcome you to our introductory seminar, Starting Down The Pathway. I’d also like to congratulate each and every one of you for taking this first step on your personal pathway to true transformation and circular re-aggregation of the self-concept. We carry a sequential message of peace, equality among the heights, and attainment of the Seven Harmonies.
(Dr. Winkler hums poorly the Seven Harmonies.)
But first, our origin story, as written in our Schematic of Understanding. We are currently in Humanity Part I, of a three part Humanity Trilogy. Humanity Part I is the entire process that has led to “Humanity” up through its current formation. This means Part I starts all the way back, 13.8 billion years ago, when the big bang kicked off a chain of events that inexorably led to the Emergence of Humanitation, and then we come all the way forward, past the present moment, until 6 and one quarter years from now, when Humanity Part I fades to black, and Humanity Part II begins. Humanity Part II begins, as I said, 6 and one quarter years from now and will last for exactly 17 months and one weekend. Humanity Part II represents Humanity’s merger with Technology into a new form of existence: the self-created, fully-conscious being. Finally, Humanity Part III takes the stage, and lasts for exactly 6 seconds. Humanity Part III of the three-part trilogy, involves Humanity’s final transformation. In Humanity Part III, which is the part of the technological progress curve that has a slope of 1 and goes straight up, we become pure energy and instantaneously permeate the universe. Shockingly enough, this submission to science is what allows Humanity to permeate the universe as pure energy, so that it may literally look upon the face of its creator, as the creator gazes back with tremendous loving joy and pride.
The Pathway is a system of cognitive boundaries that have been delivered to us from the Transfargers of either Humanity Part II or Humanity Part III, we do not know. We do know that The Pathway exists so that we may survive long enough for Humanity Part I to be eviscerated. And that we may safely acquiesce to Technological Penetration, and enter Humanity Part II as exponentially improved-upon beings who, at their peak, are self-aware through every possible direction in time and space. Part III will be a time of zero mass and will make all Science Fiction look like a bunch of penises scribbled in crayon.
However, we have received no communication on what to do after that point. We trust that Humanity Part II will provide a context to once again communicate with us.
IF you are interested in learning more, we invite you to apply for our informational retreat, taking place next Thursday in our hometown of Blanton, Missouri. Send us your completed application, a sample of skin tissue and seminal fluid, 50 Humanity Part I American dollars, or 96 zillion Humanity Part II Chinese yuan, or Kleeg-Ark Humanity Part III, to The Pathway, Blanton Missouri. If chosen, we shall share with you a cure for the disease of the psyche known as Solipsistic Fibrosis.
That’s The Pathway, Blanton, Missouri. 96 zillion Humanity Part II Chinese yuan. Even numbers are evil. Good night.
Amatuer Hour - Live! 